Unbreaking the Mercurial and the Saturnine

UNBREAKING THE MERCURIAL AND THE SATURNINE

“I’m throwing a party for Christmas Eve tonight,” Fuma told Taiga on the phone. “You’re coming, right?”

Taiga (no more blonde) frowned as he stared at the screen of his phone to be sure Fuma called him through an app and not directly — if anything happened, he’d like not to be linked to their group anymore. 

Taiga was surprised as to why Fuma would invite him when they all knew that Taiga had to cut ties with The Stones as soon as he joined the ranks of The Force officially.

No strings attached anymore: Fuma and Taiga weren’t together, never have been and still weren’t.

“You’re being serious?” Taiga asked.

“Yes, I am. It’s an innocent party in a club you used to frequent, what’s the evil in it?” Fuma asked.

Evil? Taiga pouted as he watched the pile of paper in front of it. Fuma called him a little bit late, it was already 3 PM and Taiga had a lot of work to be done. Thanks to Hokuto.

Now that those two were colleagues again (Hokuto was actually Taiga’s boss and in spite of their differences in careers and life, Taiga still hated the fact that Hokuto was now his superior), Hokuto tried to mend things several times by asking him out for lunch (with other people) but Taiga always declined. He was still mad at how his demands to be transferred to the Narcs were swept under the rug.

He knew it was Hokuto’s doing.

However, the criminal department was incredibly quiet ever since Jesse left the country. Taiga had never applied for the Crim’ just because Hokuto was now the leader of that department and their relationship remained awkward even a decade later. They had never discussed the past, the past was the past. They were now grown-ups, or so Taiga thought.

Hokuto argued that Yugo that Taiga would make a better career in the Crim than the Narcs and kept vetoing against Taiga’s transfer. Just because they don’t get along, Taiga had to waste his life again. He had already wasted too much on other people.

Hokuto knew, so Hokuto wouldn’t budge even if it worsened their (nonexistent) relationship.

Yet, Taiga got tasked with the weirdest things, everything to make him stay at the office instead of going to the field with the others. He knew he was the latest recruit, but still, he didn’t deserve to be treated like a true rookie. 

So there was this pile of criminal profiles that he had to manually input and it drove him crazy. He didn’t know why the other officers didn’t type it into the system directly instead of using paper. Hokuto said it was to save some time and avoid the suspects losing their patience but Taiga was the one losing his patience right now. Especially when he also had to input a lot of old cases as well because the archive department had lost a lot of data during a system update.

Why did he have to do it? He didn’t go through so much just to end up inputting data behind a computer’s screen. If only Hokuto wasn’t watching him so intently from his desk, Taiga would’ve burnt those cursed files.

Taiga hated how his desk was the closest to Hokuto’s. Even if glass walls were separating them, Hokuto was sitting in a way he could see the whole floor, and most especially Taiga’s profile.  

Unconsciously, Taiga held his phone closer to his cheek and covered his mouth with a hand.

“Are Juri and Kochi coming too?”

“Of course. Why are you even asking? Do you have any other plan?” Fuma asked, as if he was trying to ask something else, something more and Taiga wasn’t dumb. Fuma was literally asking him if he had a date tonight.

“I’m on duty tonight, to be honest,” Taiga realized as he checked his schedule on his agenda. He could’ve lied, should’ve lied, to make it easier, but Taiga was too tired to play with anyone’s heart right now.

“Afterwards… Please come?” Fuma begged and Taiga felt bad for not being able to return what was Fuma was asking. He knew he fell hard, but Taiga fell out of this as soon as he was reinstated into the Force. He wanted to make it work, this time. He had been given so many new chances, he wasn’t going to let it go to waste.

He wasn’t going to take the fall for anyone anymore.

“Kyomoto.” Hokuto warned. Taiga had not seen him approach at all, didn’t see, didn’t smell, didn’t even feel anything until he heard Hokuto’s low voice. It had not always been that low, Taiga had noticed, he used to be much more cheery when they were together. But when Hokuto wants to distance himself from the others, create this gap between him and the world, his tone drops significantly lower.

Kyomoto was part of the others , now.

“Can you refrain from using your personal phone during work, please?”

“It’s not as if I needed a break…. I didn’t even go on a lunch, cut me some slack already.”

“I’m still your boss.”

“And, Chief Inspector Matsumura, I’m an employee who needs a break,” Taiga barked back, annoyed that Hokuto was interrupting a personal phone call. Taiga was aware he was being unfairly rude and rebellious but Taiga was incredibly tired.

Taiga rose from his seat and left his desk, the office altogether and raised his phone back to his ear.

“Urgh, sorry for that. Did you hear?”

“Crystal clear,” Fuma said. “Wasn’t it your ex? I can recognize his voice from the phone.”

“How?”

“His voice is as handsome as his face, somehow.” Fuma explained jokingly and the two of them broke into laughter. He had missed Fuma a little, Taiga thought deep down. “Okay, try to come… Bring your beau, too, if you want.”

Taiga had wanted to scream at Fuma but the latter had already hung up on him, leaving him blushing hard in the middle of the hallway.

“Are you done? Let’s go eat.” Hokuto immediately said when Taiga walked back to his desk. And this time, Taiga couldn't refuse (he was starving, he could’ve made a pact with the devil if it meant he could eat)

It was Christmas Eve, 4 pm, and Hokuto, his chief and ex-something, was treating him to a meal. 

Hokuto barely ate, only watched Taiga gulping down his food as if he hadn’t been fed in a week. The dark-haired man really wanted to ask if Taiga ate properly but it was crossing a line that they couldn’t cross yet. They were still in a superior-employee relationship and Hokuto had to respect that.

“Stop staring,” Taiga commanded, as if he was the boss, and he could’ve been after all, he was a bit older than Hokuto.

Hokuto complied a bit too easily.

“I’m sorry for everything, you know.” Hokuto could only tell him. He never had the time to say those words. “We never talked, and I think now is a good time to tell you how sorry I am."

“It’s in the past.”

“It never healed, in my heart,” Hokuto whispered and Taiga was glad there was no one in the fast food. It was empty in the middle of the afternoon, Taiga ate his French fries one by one while looking at Hokuto. He didn’t understand.

“What do you mean?”

“It’s all my fault. If you weren’t with me at that time, you wouldn’t have been fired. I vouched for you, begged them to reinstate you but you were already gone. I— I never gave up on you.”

“Why do you tell me all of those things now?”

“It’s the first time we are together, without an ongoing crisis. And it’s Christmas Eve, you can only forgive me.”

“There’s nothing to forgive, Hokuto. It’s not your fault.”

“You don’t blame me?”

“Why would I? I was the reckless one. I was the one who brought you down with me. Weren’t you the ace? I would’ve hated myself if you were the one fired. I knew I could always bounce back.”

The appetite slowly grew and Hokuto decided to take a small bite of his now cold burger. He didn’t know what to say but his heart was exploding inside of his chest. He never knew that Taiga had already thought about that before.

“I thought it was better for us to cut ties. We are better off as rivals than lovers. See? You turned out great.” Taiga said while smiling a little bit, forgetting all about their past griefs. 

Hokuto could only nod before they went back to eating in silence. 

Rivals.

At that time, Hokuto was mistaken, like often in his life. He knew that he had been a fool for making petty competition with Taiga, but deep inside, Hokuto knew that his interest for Taiga ran deeper, he had always felt something indicible for him — albeit, he’d rather die than admit it.

“How about now?” Hokuto mumbled and munched at the same time and Taiga had to ask him to repeat again to understand but Hokuto couldn’t repeat those words. He was so scared of the answer that he didn’t dare. “Nothing. I was saying it was good.”

“You didn’t,” Taiga said. He had heard. He just wanted to be sure. “You asked about now, didn’t you?”

Hokuto was finishing his burger, licking the tips of his fingers in a way that always troubled Taiga to the core.

“Perhaps.”

“Now. You’re my boss.”

Hokuto nodded in false stoicism. He didn’t want to show how hurt he was. He didn’t want to be just a boss, but what else could he do? They were a thing of the past, he mused and mulled over again and again. He hated how close and still so far he was from Taiga now.

“Okay, hum, sorry, I have to answer this call.” Hokuto suddenly said as he showed his phone ringing. He was utterly glad that his phone so conveniently rang, if not, he might have broken down in front of his subordinate and he’d hate this. He cleared his voice and answered the call.

Taiga watched Hokuto’s face closing again, his features being emphasized by the seriousness of the situation and he loved seeing this side of him. He heard the tone of his voice dropping even lower, hinting that Hokuto was talking to a higher-up. He also understood by the way his eyebrows furrowed without hearing the words on the other side.

“Fuck, okay.” Hokuto cursed before standing up dramatically from his seat. “Kyomoto. We’ve got work.” Hokuto immediately commanded and Taiga immediately pulled himself together. The only tangent was now work, as he gathered their trays to throw away the remnants of their food.

As Hokuto and Taiga left the fast-food restaurant, Hokuto revealed:

“Jesse’s back.”

Taiga was freaking out. Jesse was back on Christmas Eve, meaning that he was here to bother Yugo and Juri. He didn’t have to be a genius to know that Jesse often came back to mess around with the two lovebirds. This was his personal revenge. It was his favorite thing: fooling around before fleeing. He needed to let everyone know he wasn’t dead, but it wrecked Taiga’s Christmas Eve that he’d prefer spending partying instead of chasing Jesse, once again. If only he wasn’t such a close friend of Yugo’s, he would’ve shot his ass and thrown his pretty face in jail already. But Hokuto and Taiga had made that pact to protect Yugo and his wishes first. They were more loyal to their friend than the law itself; if the higher-ups knew the truth, they’d all have gone to jail to serve for, at least, a decade.

Taiga huffed, thinking how Juri and Jesse’s relationship was so similar to the one Taiga and Hokuto had with Yugo. They just couldn’t give up on each other.

Things were different now, Yugo and Juri were now together and Taiga and Hokuto were the only ones left in charge of this case. They were now free to make the right choice, without being chained to Yugo.

“Should we catch him for real?” Hokuto suggested as he adjusted his holster’s belt around his chest beneath his leather jacket and Taiga, for some reason, nodded along. 

No more wasted days and spoiled Christmases over Jesse.

First place to stalk was obviously the Stones’ headquarters. The office was usually bustling with people all around. Taiga was impressed by how successful the Stones remained in spite of the change in management. From what Taiga understood, Juri was slowly turning the company into a more legitimate one, Taiga was extremely skeptical but only hummed when Yugo had told him that. Taiga wondered if Juri was just lying to make Yugo feel better, but Taiga had noticed how the office was always so busy the past months, so perhaps Juri wasn’t lying.

Since Hokuto and Taiga were known by the group, they couldn’t set a stable hideout nearby so they only stayed in the car to surveil the building. For some reason, the two couldn’t come up with anything interesting to talk about and their conversation became sterile after a small talk on the food they had just eaten. Eventually, the two noticed how the street was slowly clearing itself out.

“Since people are leaving to celebrate Christmas Eve, we ought to follow Juri and Yugo instead, Jesse’s probably here for them instead of business reasons.” Taiga suggested.

“Do you know where they are going?” Hokuto asked as he checked his phone to write down how unsuccessful their stake out was.

“Fuma told me they are having a party at the usual club. He’s actually inviting me. And you.”

Taiga was looking at his fiddling fingers on his lap when Hokuto looked at him.

“He invited us both ?” Hokuto repeated, bewildered.

“He’s just throwing a Christmas party.” Taiga answered, annoyed at Hokuto’s astonishment. "Why are you even surprised about it?”

“Because he and I are rivals.”

Taiga grimaced to hide the blood coloring the pale skin of his face.

Notwithstanding the years that have passed, Taiga never forgot Hokuto’s aversion for parties — he was rather jarred at the fact that Hokuto didn’t refuse or complain. He even gave the wheel to Taiga so he could drive them to the club. 

At the red light, Taiga slightly turned towards Hokuto whose mind already wandered away and asked:

“I can go on my own, if you’re not up to it. You must have other plans.”

Hokuto gave him an obscure smile, one Taiga forgot Hokuto possessed. They barely smiled at each other now, when more than a decade ago, Taiga used to receive every single smile from him. 

Somehow, Taiga’s heart ached a little at the memory. 

“My job is more important,” Hokuto simply said.

Taiga wished he could erase that smile off of Hokuto’s lips that became so tantalizing under the red hue of the traffic lights.

“Do you want to get rid of me? So you can find him better?” Hokuto asked with this same low voice he liked to use when he was cold, aloof or angry. Taiga was confused, but didn’t dare to take his eyes off the road.

Taiga swallowed his own saliva.

“I’m not letting this happen,” Hokuto added, making Taiga’s heart beat faster, and stronger. He hadn’t felt this in years. He forgot how Hokuto was, how Hokuto made him feel like. He bit on his upper lip, trying to repress the memories of Hokuto. He wasn’t Hokuto anymore, he was Chief Inspector Matsumura.

No, he won’t cave.

No, he couldn’t remember the sweet times of Hokuto cherishing him in bed, kissing him  stealthily in the empty hallways of the Academy, smiling at him naughtily across the class… Taiga had to shake his head to shake off those memories.

“You gotta stop.” Taiga finally said when they stepped out of the car. It took him at least ten minutes to come up with the right words. “We can’t be what we used to be.”

“Why not?” Hokuto asked.

“Because you’re my chief.”

“And?”

“I don’t want to wreck my career over someone again.”

“I’m the one risking my ass here, not you.”

“Still, I can’t.”

“So you want Fuma?”

“I didn’t say that.”

“That’s what you’re implying, though?”

“Can’t you stop?”

“I can’t. I never forgot. I can’t forget. Y— I did everything and you still won’t come back to me. You’re always changing your mind. I’m very serious about you and now, we’re adults. No one can criticize something that had been going on for more than a decade.”

“Hokuto…” Taiga whispered, not even noticing that it was the first time in a long time that he called Hokuto by his first name. “Nothing happened in a decade.”

“Not for you, but I never stopped burning for you. I fell hard for you, you know.”

“You think I’m dumb?” Taiga asked as Hokuto looked at him, confused. “You think I didn’t know about you and my cousin? About how you and Hikaru were scheming to take down Jesse, in spite of what we fucking promised to Yugo? So no Hokuto, I can’t give you back what you want. I can’t.”

“You knew about Shin?”

“Shin was head over heels for you. He couldn’t help talking about that saturnine boy. He called you his soulmate until you ghosted him. He didn’t know you were a cop, was he?”

“No. I used him, it’s true. But it’s our job.”

“The job is the job. Doesn’t mean I have to toy with people the way you did. You’ve changed, Hokuto. In a bad way.”

“Of course I have changed. You weren’t there for a decade, you don’t know the shit we’ve been through here. It’s not always rainbow and pink. You weren’t there.”

“Because you think it had been easy for me? Have you forgotten what I was until very recently? I was literally a whore, Hokuto.” Taiga almost screamed in the middle of the streets.

“I know. And I blame myself for that every single day, okay? I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have been fired from the academy.”

“Get over it, it’s too late.”

“But we’re both cops now.”

“You’re still my boss.”

“Taiga.” Hokuto said.

“Let’s stop talking. Let’s go inside, we’re drawing attention on us. We’re here for Jesse.”

“… Taiga, I did agree to Hikaru’s plan and I did toy with Shintaro but— I’ve never betrayed Yugo. Nor you. Not my feelings for you.”

Taiga didn’t want to deal with this on a December 24th during the middle of an important (impromptu) mission.

“We’ve got work to do,” was the only thing Taiga managed to say after that and the two of them entered the club after a quick check by the guard at the door. He knew Taiga quite well and the two chatted up for about five minutes, annoying the hell out of Hokuto.

Hokuto took Taiga’s hand to force him out of the conversation and inside the club which looked completely different from usual with the amount of Christmas decoration. Inside, the usual colored lights were all white to reflect beautifully on the fake glittered snow. A tall Christmas tree richly adorned, huge dolls of stylish Santa Clauses and reindeers welcomed the guests. At the center of what used to be the dance floor, there were tables covered with silver silky cloth and golden rimmed plates and glasses.

“Taiga! You came!” Fuma immediately greeted him from afar, and ran towards him.

Fuma looked incredibly handsome in his bordeaux velvet suit but his cheerful expression was very slightly troubled by the way Hokuto was still holding Taiga’s hand for a few seconds before Taiga could shake off Hokuto’s hold on him.

“You brought him!” Fuma only commented.

“He invited himself!” Taiga lied. “Are Juri and Kochi there?”

“Yeah, but they are in the private room.”

“What do you mean?” Hokuto asked, a bit surprised by the words private and room.

“There’s nothing as explicit and self-explaining as the words private and room,” Taiga answered with an arched eyebrow.

“Yeah, they wouldn’t come if I didn’t give them a bit of privacy. So they’ll be having  dinner on their own. There’s another private room available next to them, I even had it decorated. You two can use it.”

“Why do you have another private room prepared but unused?” Hokuto asked, again. He was really a cop, Fuma thought, he kept asking questions all the time as if he was here to interrogate him.

“I was planning on using it,” Fuma honestly answered the cop. “But I’m busy.”

“With whom?” Hokuto insisted.

“Hey, don’t be rude to your host!” Taiga reprimanded Hokuto as if he wasn’t his superior. “Can you stop? We’re here to have a good moment.”

Of course they weren’t here to have a good moment but Taiga had to lie or Fuma would rat out to Jesse that the two of them were actually after him. Fuma, Juri and Yugo would be furious to know that the two cops were tailing Jesse because they knew he was back. They had to play the pretend card.

“I’d love to use that room, then, if you will?” Taiga added immediately, honey tainting his voice to smooth the prickled edges of Fuma’s annoyance.

“God, your ex is such an annoying fuck.” Fuma bit back. “Can’t believe you’re choosing him again.”

“I didn’t choose him.” Taiga rectified for him. “We happened to be.”

Fuma chuckled as he guided them to those private rooms that were really popular with Yugo and back then, Taiga, when they were hosts. Those for the club were different from The Zone’s rooms. It could accommodate a lot of people and they still could enjoy the music from the club if they slid the double glazing glass open. Today however, Taiga noticed that white curtains were covering the glass. There was again a small Christmas tree and lots of tinsels: on the walls, on the table, on the tree; it came in all kinds of shapes and it brightened the room in a warm feeling. At the center of the room, there was a two-person table with similar embellishments than those on the dance floor. It was so prettily decorated Taiga felt bad to waste such a romantic place.

“Food will start to be served in about twenty minutes,” Fuma informed them. “‘Till then…. you two have fun…” Fuma teased before closing the door quickly.

“It’s a pretty setting.” Hokuto commented as he kneeled in front of the small Christmas tree. He looked like a kid who was taking in every detail.

Taiga immediately opened the curtains to have a view on the club’s main room and reopened the door so he could see if anyone was walking by.

“Don’t forget why we’re here,” Taiga reminded him, not so gently.

“Yeah,” Hokuto weakly answered as he stared at the tinsels’ lights blinking slowly. It reflected in Hokuto’s dark irises and Taiga was mesmerized again for a few seconds. He could see that the long eyelashes couldn’t hide the saturnine expression which shaped Hokuto’s features.  

“I know that you hurt because you’re hurt. But I didn’t mean to.” Taiga suddenly told him as he lowered his head, perhaps feeling guilty for Hokuto’s forlornness. He couldn’t watch him in the eye. 

“If you wanna be mean to me, do it straightforwardly. There’s no need to beat around the bush.”

“I don’t know how to unbreak us, Hokuto. It seems beyond reparable.”

“You didn’t try. You were given so many chances in your life, why can’t you give me just one?”

Try? Taiga didn’t have to try to know. He had been the one who had been so selfishly leading a life that shunted him back and forth. He knew what it was to fuck things up because he was following his heart instead of his head.

“You want a chance, Hokuto?” Taiga inquired, his tone becoming as hard as stone and as cold as ice. Taiga closed the curtains again and fisted the hems of Hokuto’s coat.

Their faces were suddenly so incredibly close to each other, like they used to when they were teasing each other for a kiss that they wouldn’t always give. Hokuto hadn’t seen Taiga that close in so many years, he grew older, more mature but he never lost that beauty that enthralled him. 

Taiga was studying Hokuto’s every trait, and the only thing he could read was loss. He was almost frightened by this Taiga who stoutly grabbed him and forced him to step back until he reached the angular sofa of the room that had not been covered by any piece of sheet.

…They should’ve. 

Because Taiga had done things on that sofa before, had come here before.

“I can give you a chance, to you, too, if that’s what you want. Hokuto. You can be one of them. One of my customers. They were mainly women, but I had my share of men too. As long as you’re paying me.”

Hokuto was frozen. Taiga, however, made Hokuto sit down on the sofa before straddling him. 

“If you knew the things I have done on that couch before…”

Hokuto didn’t want to know, so he grabbed Taiga’s shoulder and reversed their positions, slouching Taiga’s whole body on the couch like he often had been by dominant partners. Taiga had brief flashbacks of playful wrestling between the two of them at the academy, but Hokuto was always so incredibly soft with him when he had always wanted him to be rough on him. They had argued on this a lot of time. And perhaps, this time it was a contained fury and a deep jealousy that made Hokuto handle Taiga with more power than usual.

Insinuating himself between Taiga’s spread legs, Hokuto placed a hand on Taiga’s mouth to make him stop talking.

“Don’t do that, people will be coming in ten to bring dinner,” Hokuto warned.

Taiga managed to get some of his words out against Hokuto’s warm fingers.

“You didn’t fuck me in so long, don’t tell me you’ll last ten minutes.” Taiga mocked him, as usual but Hokuto didn’t take offense. It’s true. A single touch from Taiga would be enough to make him come in his pants.

Taiga had that urge to destroy Hokuto's desire for him. He needed closure. They didn't need to unbreak. Actually, Taiga needed to break their bond completely before Hokuto, himself, broke.

"Forget about me, Matsumura."

And his own name rolled off his tongue to punch Hokuto in his chest. He never hated his last name so much as right now, being said by Taiga felt like poison.

Hokuto was still between Taiga's legs when Taiga started to shower him with kisses that didn't feel good at all, Hokuto felt pathetic.

He stopped Taiga's frenetic kisses by grabbing his chin with angry fingers, forcing him to look him in the eyes but Taiga nonchalantly looked away.

"You still like me." Hokuto declared, it wasn't a wish, it was an axiomatic statement. "So, be with me?"

“Maybe. Only just for Christmas." The Mercurial said.

"I'll take anything," The Saturnian said.

"If we catch Jesse, maybe, then I'll consider unbreaking us."

Hokuto would take anything at this point as he kissed those lips puckering beneath him.

“Shit! Jesse." Hokuto realized as he pulled away from Taiga and ran out towards the door and out of the room. "Hey Jesse! You're under arrest!!" Taiga heard Hokuto screaming.

He didn't even bother to run after them as he popped his head out of the room and saw Juri and Yugo storm out of their own private room, their hair disheveled and the scene gave him flashbacks of Jesse and Yugo at the Zone.

"Jesse's here?" Yugo asked.

"Hokuto's running after him, at the moment."

“Don’t go after him,” Yugo scolded.

Hokuto frowned, thinking that Yugo still didn’t want Jesse to be caught. Was he still caring for him?

“After whom?” Hokuto asked for clarification.

“After Hokuto.”

“Why not?”

“You’ve been given many chances, this one you can’t fuck this up.”

“He asked for another chance, too. What would I fuck up? Him or my career?”

“Taiga.” Yugo reminded him. “Both.” He added after a pause.

Yugo was always so wise, he knew what was best for him. So when Hokuto came back, all sweaty, he immediately removed his coat, letting everyone see the guns tightly attached to his sides, Taiga looked at Yugo. Yugo rolled his eyes so hard and Juri urged him back inside. So, he just raised his arms in the air and closed the door of his own private room.

“I couldn’t catch him,” Hokuto came back. “How about my Christmas miracle?”

Taiga waited because he didn’t want Yugo to hear.

He didn’t want his friend to hear:

“For today.” Taiga indulged. “It’ll be expensive. Can you afford it?”

The sofa is cold when Hokuto wakes up, the lights that were blinking so softly and warmly yesterday were switched off. The food (that came late) was left cold and almost uneaten on the table. 

Hokuto didn’t remember much except Taiga’s body. The way he moved, the way he smelled, the way he touched and felt under him. The way he writhed in pain and pleasure while being filled with his cock. Hokuto would never forget the only chance he got.

It’s Christmas morning and the only present Hokuto got was the memory of an ephemeral unbroken bond with Taiga. The mark of his lips on his skin. The residue of his perfume. Cold food. Nothing that he could hold forever.

Tomorrow, Hokuto will be back as Chief Inspector Matsumura…

Until then, he’d like to imprint those leftovers in his mind. 

Until then, he’d like to cry.